[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-16 12:32 am (UTC)(link)
[ he was thinking of regular bread, but since Axel offered ]

Yes.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-16 06:27 am (UTC)(link)
Of course. It was a real challenge to come out of that better off than you. I think I deserve all the surprise bread I could want.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-17 05:27 pm (UTC)(link)
...It was really difficult. Seeing my friends get hurt, and knowing that if I came to help, I would just get in the way. I would have died, probably. But I still wanted to. And I regret not doing it.

[ People keep telling him to take care of himself and stop getting hurt and not to run towards death, but it's so hard, knowing you're going to die but there might still be a chance that you won't, when there's other people involved instead of just him and therefore its worth the risk. ]

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 03:01 am (UTC)(link)
[ 0 or 1000% with no in-between... It's always been a problem of his and he knows, as somebody who skews towards inaction and apathy, to get up and do something in a rare moment and it's always the wrong decision. It's something he's sort of accepted and learned to roll with it and move on very quickly, but the same feelings turned on others is... bad. He shakes his head, and shrugs helplessly. ]

I had the power to help and I didn't. That's why I feel regret. But for me... my injuries were a result of my decision. Trying to catch a thousand pound leg. Being too slow to avoid a gunshot. Not being careful where I walk. Those sorts of thing are nobody's fault but mine. There's no reason for anybody else to feel regret over it.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 03:08 am (UTC)(link)
I'm... not hurting, though. I don't complain about it. I don't ever cry.

[ He never gives off the sense that he's hurt, even if it's evident just by looking at him. If he looks okay with it, logically, others should assume he's okay. Maybe that's the problem. Logic. ]

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 03:21 am (UTC)(link)
[ He touches the tips of his fingers to his chest over where Axel had poked him, lingers there for a second, and then drops his hand again. ]

I get that. That sort of pain... I hurt for others all the time, but if it's myself... I really don't care. I know that's wrong. You know. Logically.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 04:08 am (UTC)(link)
...I know.

[ He knows. People keep telling him, after all, about how much he's hurting others by disregarding himself. They keep trying to get through that thick skull of his, but... He can see that they're hurting, but he just can't care. ]

I guess it's because I'm not supposed to exist. Right before coming here, I— ...no, even before that... ten years ago. I was supposed to have died. I wasn't ever happy. Nothing was interesting. So I have nothing to lose, no matter what happened to me.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 04:24 am (UTC)(link)
...Car accident. [ which, you know, maybe should've prompted him to wear his seat belt with Naminé from the start, and maybe he wouldn't have gotten into the second one ]

My parents died in it. And I sort of... got an immortal being shoved into my soul instead? It's kind of complicated.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 04:43 am (UTC)(link)
Losing a heart is sort of... deadly, isn't it?

[ He's pretty sure about that, less about his own situation. ]

I don't really understand all that well about the possession thing, but it's sort of like... the only reason I kept going all this time, was because there was something else there, telling me to. Screwing with my mind, or whatever.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 04:50 am (UTC)(link)
[ ...Minato makes the heart shape with his hands too, like that'll help him understand any better. ]

I sorta get that. Feeling like I don't have a metaphysical heart... But yeah, I killed the soul monster. ...He was my best friend. My first friend. The closest thing to a friend.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 09:51 pm (UTC)(link)
It's complicated...

[ Killing a friend, there's no way it could be anything but complicated. ]

He gave me a choice. If he lives, the world goes to hell and he would destroy it in a month's time. If he dies— and I'm the only one who could kill him... the world will be left alone and will return to peace, for a couple more months. Then everybody dies anyways.

[ Laid out like that, the choice seems simple. But he had to kill his friend. People keep leaving him and dying on him and abandoning him and the one time he's able to make a friend, he's forced to push them away with his own hand. It's unfair, and it's complicated. ]

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 11:16 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Either he kills him or he doesn't, right? There's no state that's in between that, where nobody has to die... that's what he kept telling himself. ]

I don't know... I had a month to think about it, but I couldn't come up with a way to save everybody. That second option wasn't supposed to be an option in the first place, but I was given it... so at least people will be at peace before they die.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-19 03:21 am (UTC)(link)
...everybody but me. Instead, all I got was guilt, and waking up in a place like this, and watching people die and suffer anyways...

Did I do the right thing?

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