[ he doesn't think it sounds simple. even when presented with an easier version of it-- axel never was able to commit to picking one friend over another, even with their lives on the line. ]
... Talk about a rock and a hard place. Those were your only options?
[ Either he kills him or he doesn't, right? There's no state that's in between that, where nobody has to die... that's what he kept telling himself. ]
I don't know... I had a month to think about it, but I couldn't come up with a way to save everybody. That second option wasn't supposed to be an option in the first place, but I was given it... so at least people will be at peace before they die.
... I don't know. I don't even know if there was a right option at all for you. Sometimes, that's how it is. Not to pull the old life's unfair line on you, but... Things aren't always that black and white. [ he shrugs ] I think you picked what you thought was right. Even if it hurt a lot.
[ Depression versus... depression, but just a different version of it. ]
Like isolating yourself and not having anything to do with the world. Just existing... but if you don't interact with the world, that's not really existing. That sort of limbo? The feeling of nothingness.
Yeah. You got it. That nothingness... there's something comforting and easy to it, sure. [ easy's probably the wrong word for it, but. he's trying to be more metaphorical than his own experience really was. ] The opposite of it... It's tough, and exhausting, and a whole mess of complicated all the time. But I don't miss the nothingness, and who I was with it. You get what I'm saying?
[ Easy is a good way to put it, Minato thinks. Because when he's nothing, he doesn't have to think about anything, doesn't have to worry about anything, doesn't have to feel anything. It's a very safe thing to be, nothing. Nothing can hurt you; you won't be able to hurt anybody else, either. It's very safe.
It's also really fucking lonely. ]
...Yeah, I get it. Life is really such a pain, but the opposite of that... sometimes...
[ He sighs, rubbing at the back of his head. It's a tiring conversation, and there are a lot of reasons why he never talks about this stuff. ]
I've been in that nothingness for such a long time. I'm probably still... [ hm ] maybe 78% still in there, and I don't know how to get out.
[ Minato's normal comeback to that would be the fact that he doesn't have friends- couldn't claim to have any before a couple of months ago, when he was never around enough to make any sort of meaningful connection. But then there's this place and these people and it's only been a couple of weeks, barely over a month... And he has no excuse anymore. ]
[ I can't believe Axel's still alive after everybody shitting on him for throwing people under the bus at the end of each trial, maybe the trend will continue tomorrow and you'll be lucky ]
Sappy.
[ But he doesn't bat Axel's hand away. ]
I'll etch into my heart, brain, and soul. How about that?
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... Talk about a rock and a hard place. Those were your only options?
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I don't know... I had a month to think about it, but I couldn't come up with a way to save everybody. That second option wasn't supposed to be an option in the first place, but I was given it... so at least people will be at peace before they die.
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Did I do the right thing?
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... I don't know. I don't even know if there was a right option at all for you. Sometimes, that's how it is. Not to pull the old life's unfair line on you, but... Things aren't always that black and white. [ he shrugs ] I think you picked what you thought was right. Even if it hurt a lot.
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[ That's basically how it always is, though. ]
It feels cold to just move on... but having to go through a redemption arc sounds tiring too.
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Believe me, it is. [ it's wry. ] But from experience? It was a lot better than the alternative.
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[ axel that's depression ]
The alternative of... giving up and bein' lonely, I guess. Not sure how else to put it.
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Like isolating yourself and not having anything to do with the world. Just existing... but if you don't interact with the world, that's not really existing. That sort of limbo? The feeling of nothingness.
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It's also really fucking lonely. ]
...Yeah, I get it. Life is really such a pain, but the opposite of that... sometimes...
[ He sighs, rubbing at the back of his head. It's a tiring conversation, and there are a lot of reasons why he never talks about this stuff. ]
I've been in that nothingness for such a long time. I'm probably still... [ hm ] maybe 78% still in there, and I don't know how to get out.
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[ if it wasn't for roxas and xion... or even just that first encounter with sora... who knows what would've happened to him. ]
There's no shame in asking for help from a friend or two.
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Will you help me?
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[ and he sounds ... incredibly sincere about it. too bad minato fucking dies in three days ]
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Yeah, I won't ever forget.
[ Minato, in three days: Axel I need you, everybody in the graveyard is bullying me and I need somebody to laugh at my bad jokes ]
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Great. Etch it into your heart too, alright? Heart doesn't forget what the brain does.
[ sappy....... ]
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Sappy.
[ But he doesn't bat Axel's hand away. ]
I'll etch into my heart, brain, and soul. How about that?
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Works for me.
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anyways, Minato holds out his hand, pinky extended ]
You'll do the same?
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he laughs at the pinky but. he does grab minato's pinky with his ]
I will. Promise.
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Bye.
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what the fuck was that ]
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