[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 04:43 am (UTC)(link)
Losing a heart is sort of... deadly, isn't it?

[ He's pretty sure about that, less about his own situation. ]

I don't really understand all that well about the possession thing, but it's sort of like... the only reason I kept going all this time, was because there was something else there, telling me to. Screwing with my mind, or whatever.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 04:50 am (UTC)(link)
[ ...Minato makes the heart shape with his hands too, like that'll help him understand any better. ]

I sorta get that. Feeling like I don't have a metaphysical heart... But yeah, I killed the soul monster. ...He was my best friend. My first friend. The closest thing to a friend.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 09:51 pm (UTC)(link)
It's complicated...

[ Killing a friend, there's no way it could be anything but complicated. ]

He gave me a choice. If he lives, the world goes to hell and he would destroy it in a month's time. If he dies— and I'm the only one who could kill him... the world will be left alone and will return to peace, for a couple more months. Then everybody dies anyways.

[ Laid out like that, the choice seems simple. But he had to kill his friend. People keep leaving him and dying on him and abandoning him and the one time he's able to make a friend, he's forced to push them away with his own hand. It's unfair, and it's complicated. ]

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-18 11:16 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Either he kills him or he doesn't, right? There's no state that's in between that, where nobody has to die... that's what he kept telling himself. ]

I don't know... I had a month to think about it, but I couldn't come up with a way to save everybody. That second option wasn't supposed to be an option in the first place, but I was given it... so at least people will be at peace before they die.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-19 03:21 am (UTC)(link)
...everybody but me. Instead, all I got was guilt, and waking up in a place like this, and watching people die and suffer anyways...

Did I do the right thing?

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-19 03:39 am (UTC)(link)
I made a choice and now I live with the consequence, huh...

[ That's basically how it always is, though. ]

It feels cold to just move on... but having to go through a redemption arc sounds tiring too.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-19 03:53 am (UTC)(link)
The alternative of sleeping all day and only getting up if you have to eat or pee?

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-19 04:20 am (UTC)(link)
[ Depression versus... depression, but just a different version of it. ]

Like isolating yourself and not having anything to do with the world. Just existing... but if you don't interact with the world, that's not really existing. That sort of limbo? The feeling of nothingness.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-20 05:28 am (UTC)(link)
[ Easy is a good way to put it, Minato thinks. Because when he's nothing, he doesn't have to think about anything, doesn't have to worry about anything, doesn't have to feel anything. It's a very safe thing to be, nothing. Nothing can hurt you; you won't be able to hurt anybody else, either. It's very safe.

It's also really fucking lonely. ]


...Yeah, I get it. Life is really such a pain, but the opposite of that... sometimes...

[ He sighs, rubbing at the back of his head. It's a tiring conversation, and there are a lot of reasons why he never talks about this stuff. ]

I've been in that nothingness for such a long time. I'm probably still... [ hm ] maybe 78% still in there, and I don't know how to get out.

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-20 05:37 am (UTC)(link)
[ Minato's normal comeback to that would be the fact that he doesn't have friends- couldn't claim to have any before a couple of months ago, when he was never around enough to make any sort of meaningful connection. But then there's this place and these people and it's only been a couple of weeks, barely over a month... And he has no excuse anymore. ]

Will you help me?

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-20 05:42 am (UTC)(link)
[ Shh, at least Minato died happy. He made it out of the nothingness, and he can retroactively thank this conversation for that. ]

Yeah, I won't ever forget.

[ Minato, in three days: Axel I need you, everybody in the graveyard is bullying me and I need somebody to laugh at my bad jokes ]

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-20 05:56 am (UTC)(link)
[ I can't believe Axel's still alive after everybody shitting on him for throwing people under the bus at the end of each trial, maybe the trend will continue tomorrow and you'll be lucky ]

Sappy.

[ But he doesn't bat Axel's hand away. ]

I'll etch into my heart, brain, and soul. How about that?

[personal profile] compendiem 2019-07-20 06:06 am (UTC)(link)
[ Fingers crossed for tpk tomorrow

anyways, Minato holds out his hand, pinky extended ]


You'll do the same?

(no subject)

[personal profile] compendiem - 2019-07-22 03:25 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] compendiem - 2019-07-22 03:50 (UTC) - Expand