catchall for emma

[leaberator]

Comments

[leaberator]

[ what a weird fucking question. um. he's thinking about it, sorta counting out loud ]

Um. Sure? ...Let's see... I told Naminé and Xion recently... Didn't call her cute, but I told Kairi she looked good when she showed off her new outfit... [ these are all fifteen year olds, though there is one she doesn't know. ] So, that's three?

[foodbin]

[ [john mulaney voice] well i don't have time to unpack all that

but:]

...I don't think I realized you knew Naminé.

[leaberator]

[

he does not say "her whole life", because that would be fucked up. ]

Yeah? We're from the same... place. Generally speaking.

[foodbin]

[She nods.]

She's a good kid. Did she tell you we're partners?

[leaberator]

[ he smiles at that. ]

Nah, but I figured it out.

[ by being a nosy stalker. ]

[foodbin]

[She laughs, surprised this time.]

And how'd you do that, exactly?

[leaberator]

It's called "being observant".

[foodbin]

...Did you watch one of us walk into the house?

[leaberator]

That, and I've been in there.

[ like. the first fucking weekend ]

[foodbin]

Wow. Time for me to call the police.

[leaberator]

Oh, yeah. This is what they'll draw the line at. Me comin' into your house invited.

[foodbin]

I'm pretty sure the bigger problems here are out of their paygrade.

[leaberator]

Don't think I've ever met a problem that wasn't.

[ local authorities...... have a lot of work ]

[foodbin]

Hey now. Jaywalking is a serious crime.

[leaberator]

[ me, staring at my hands: does he know what jaywalking IS. has he ever SEEN a CAR

also me, typing this tag: don't care!!!! ]

The most heinous of all crimes. Being somewhere a car should be instead.

[foodbin]

Prison for 100 years. No parole.

[leaberator]

Only 100? You're going easy on those punks.

[foodbin]

Oh, really? What would you propose, officer?

[leaberator]

A lifetime of servitude.

[ that's the SAME thing-- ]

As a crosswalk guard.

[ ah. ]

[foodbin]

Karmic retribution. I like it.

[leaberator]

It's the only way they learn.

[foodbin]

Do you have experience with jaywalking punishments?

[leaberator]

Nah... I've never been caught.

[ he is a jaywalking CRIMINAL ]

[foodbin]

[She gives a large, incredibly fake gasp.]

I cannot believe your audacity.

[leaberator]

You gonna try an' tell me you're completely innocent, hmm? I've seen the way you walk.