I mean, obviously I’m going to wait to be safe, but - maybe it’s something we could look forward to. I mean...
[She frowns as she thinks about how to describe this.]
Most weeks before this we’ve saved the corrupted and repartnered someone, right? So... Even if more than one person died, what if we saved the corrupted, repartnered one pair through your item, and repartnered one with my role?
I get it. But you can't just-- [ he sighs ] Okay, sure, let's say I consider this. What, you want to give the obvious target to someone else? You got someone in mind already?
[ he sits up with a pained grunt to look at her properly, serious and a bit sad. ]
I told you, I get it. I think we both know how I get when it comes to-- stuff like that. [ picking someone you like over the well-being of others, as xion demonstrated. ] But it's not right.
[ his jaw clenches, a bit, which he regrets nearly immediately because like, bruise, but whatever!! ]
Don't pull that into this. Pushing Milla to protect me was one thing, it's her choice-- but you're talking about putting someone else at risk. Nothing's gonna happen to me, alright?
Milla, yeah. She wanted to know my opinion on it. Little tip-- if you wanna protect people without their know-how, it helps to make sure all the loose ends are tied.
[ okay. that was a little bitter when he meant more for wry. he shakes his head, rubbing at his jaw because a bruise is easier to deal with right now before smirking a little ]
'Cause I always am. Ask anyone who knows me, I'm literally impossible to get rid of. Real pain for everyone involved.
...I just care that you’re safe, okay? You always say that you’re tough or too hard to kill or that you always make it through things like this, and sure, it’s easy to say that, but I don’t...
[After a moment, as she pointedly stares up at the ceiling:]
Nobody is ever too tough or too strong to kill. I wasn't. He wasn't. Nobody that I thought would be safe was strong enough to stop them from...
[She presses the bottoms of her palms to her eyes for just a moment, before bringing them away just as quickly.]
I watched everyone die. Everyone. I'm not doing that with you, no matter how immortal as you think you are, or however many platitudes you want to give me about how everything is going to work out.
[ ... he stays quiet, for a while. in the end, he grabs her hand. ]
Look... I know what it's like. To lose everything. I've been through it a few times. [ it's stilted, a bit ] That thing? Where you wanna do whatever it takes to save the people you're closest to, no matter who else gets hurt in the process? I've been there. It didn't exactly work out great.
[ he's looking down at the bed, now ]
Even beyond that, I've been willing to throw people's lives away for my own sake before. I don't wanna go back to being that guy.
[After a few moments, despite everything, she laughs. It isn't a happy sound.]
...I'm scared. Which - I mean, scared of what, exactly, it's not like I haven't already lost everything it's possible to lose! But I don't... I don't know if I can do this again.
Of course you're scared. Everyone is. [ he laces their fingers together ] ...I sure am, anyway. All the time. [ he's saying it lightly, but seriously. ] I second guess everything, I'm worried I'm making the same mistakes-- or making all new ones. I'm terrified of losing people again. Getting together with you has made me discover all new ones on top of all that!
[ wow! what a pep talk! but he looks at her, serious, honest ]
But you can't let that fear rule you. You won't get anything done if all you think about is what you'd do if the worst happens.
[ he laughs, low, leaning into the touch a bit, bruise or not. ]
I didn't say you couldn't think about it at all. Learn from the past an' all that. But... you ever hear the old saying? "Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's acting in spite of it"? [ it's kooky, but. it is the spirit. of things. ] Your heart's a lot stronger than you think.
Well, then I'd hope you finish what I started and figure out a way to bring me back alongside everyone else. [ it's too light, especially considering the subject matter and he knows it, but he sobers up ] Switching me an' Shirasu isn't even a guarantee nothing'll happen to me. Nothing is.
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So - if we used that, I could also get you partnered to someone safer than Shirasu, right? Or would that mess with the effect of your thing?
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Or we could save it in case more than one person dies.
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[She frowns as she thinks about how to describe this.]
Most weeks before this we’ve saved the corrupted and repartnered someone, right? So... Even if more than one person died, what if we saved the corrupted, repartnered one pair through your item, and repartnered one with my role?
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And then what happens the week after that if we don't have any items?
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[She sighs.]
What would you do, if it were me in your situation?
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[ he sits up with a pained grunt to look at her properly, serious and a bit sad. ]
I told you, I get it. I think we both know how I get when it comes to-- stuff like that. [ picking someone you like over the well-being of others, as xion demonstrated. ] But it's not right.
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...Letting anything happen to you isn't right, either. You have a role that can help everyone. [...] We'll see what happens after the trial.
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Don't pull that into this. Pushing Milla to protect me was one thing, it's her choice-- but you're talking about putting someone else at risk. Nothing's gonna happen to me, alright?
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[But...]
How can you know?
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[ okay. that was a little bitter when he meant more for wry. he shakes his head, rubbing at his jaw because a bruise is easier to deal with right now before smirking a little ]
'Cause I always am. Ask anyone who knows me, I'm literally impossible to get rid of. Real pain for everyone involved.
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[She trails off, rubbing at her face.]
You don’t get it.
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Then explain it to me.
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Nobody is ever too tough or too strong to kill. I wasn't. He wasn't. Nobody that I thought would be safe was strong enough to stop them from...
[She presses the bottoms of her palms to her eyes for just a moment, before bringing them away just as quickly.]
I watched everyone die. Everyone. I'm not doing that with you, no matter how immortal as you think you are, or however many platitudes you want to give me about how everything is going to work out.
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Look... I know what it's like. To lose everything. I've been through it a few times. [ it's stilted, a bit ] That thing? Where you wanna do whatever it takes to save the people you're closest to, no matter who else gets hurt in the process? I've been there. It didn't exactly work out great.
[ he's looking down at the bed, now ]
Even beyond that, I've been willing to throw people's lives away for my own sake before. I don't wanna go back to being that guy.
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...I'm scared. Which - I mean, scared of what, exactly, it's not like I haven't already lost everything it's possible to lose! But I don't... I don't know if I can do this again.
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Of course you're scared. Everyone is. [ he laces their fingers together ] ...I sure am, anyway. All the time. [ he's saying it lightly, but seriously. ] I second guess everything, I'm worried I'm making the same mistakes-- or making all new ones. I'm terrified of losing people again. Getting together with you has made me discover all new ones on top of all that!
[ wow! what a pep talk! but he looks at her, serious, honest ]
But you can't let that fear rule you. You won't get anything done if all you think about is what you'd do if the worst happens.
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...What if you need to think about it, so it doesn't happen all over again?
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I didn't say you couldn't think about it at all. Learn from the past an' all that. But... you ever hear the old saying? "Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's acting in spite of it"? [ it's kooky, but. it is the spirit. of things. ] Your heart's a lot stronger than you think.
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[But.]
What happens if you're wrong?
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[ he pauses at her question ]
Well, then I'd hope you finish what I started and figure out a way to bring me back alongside everyone else. [ it's too light, especially considering the subject matter and he knows it, but he sobers up ] Switching me an' Shirasu isn't even a guarantee nothing'll happen to me. Nothing is.
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What if you’re wrong about me being strong?
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